THANATOS--If I can't be yours--

Sekuhara Onna <3 11-29-2009, 06:07 PM

A/N: Thank you so much for deciding to read THANATOS! It really means a lot to me to catch your attention and enjoyment! To my dear readers who are already familiar to the story, in all honesty, I didn’t like how it was going, hence my long “Death and Rebirth” Hiatus. It is recommended that you re-read chapters 1-6, to understand the new process of where this story is going. Same plot, but different spin off. I hope my adjustments and corrections are at your connivance!!! And make the story a little bit better! I was sitting in my living room drinking Peach Soda and listening to the Naruto Clash of Ninja 2 Original Soundtrack when I finished this. I finished this about 9:22 PM since I was busy decoration the Christmas tree! ^^ I hope you enjoyed the first Stage/Chapter of THANATOS, and I hope to see you very soon!
I don’t give flames, I don’t want flames. o3o

~Komusume <3

There is an emptiness at the core of our souls. A fundamental incompleteness that has haunted all beings since the very first thought. This is what gives rise to the fear in our hearts. This is what gives rise to fear and insecurity. On a primal level, man has always been aware of the darkness that resides at the core of his mind. We have seeked to escape this void and the fear it causes, and all mans accomplishments are made in the hope of filling it…
It was back. The same dream that haunted his false sense of security every time he would drift off to sleep. He felt nothing here, yet the self that was aware of the false vision was gorged with anguish and irritation. It was pitch black, it always was, and yet he still tried to douse the nightmares edges with fire. And in his failures, there he stood, his dull golden eyes pushing a stigmata in Roys chest. His flesh was the only light, as if the epidermis itself was made from the flames of heaven. Tears rolled down his cheeks, forever falling in the centre of darkness that surrounded the two.
Roy could feel himself hyperventilating in his sleep, the words that always came from the blonde’s moth pouring acid on his self judgment and reason. He knew how the dream would end. An embrace, denial, hatred, and the adolescent lying in his own blood by his hands. As his gore tainted his clothes, he would hold him close to his chest, feeling the contractions of his breathing as they slowly came to a stop. Dozens and dozens of times, he would kill him with alchemy, trying to destroy the one person’s presence he feared most. And in the confidents of his inner self, his tortures repeated once again.
“What the hell did I do to you?! What did I do wrong?!”
“…”
“Answer me damn it!”
“…Nothing…”
“Then why do you keep hurting me!?”
His last words. They were always his last words.
“Sir?”
Roy jolted back to reality, searching for any trace of gold or crimson liquid on his body. His hands shook from access adrenaline, reaching from the Netherlands of his hallucination to his actual existence. Dismay kept his mouth from moving, scattered traces of blank print on his desk the only reminder of where he lay. He wiped his cheek with his fist, dark smudges of ink coated onto his skin.
The same…dream…
“Sir, I can’t keep him on the phone forever.”
“What? Ah-Sorry Lieutenant. What was I—“
“You were about to give your consent of whether or not Laboratory 3 should continue research on the Hydrogen weaponry for the North.”
“That again? Damn it, those power hungry bastards are always making more work for me!”
“You have my greatest sympathy, sir.”
“Shouldn’t Archer be taking care of this?”
“Lieutenant Colonel Frank Archer and Major Armstrong are down South near Dublith right now. No response…”
“Typical…”
Digging into his pocket, he sighed, retrieving his silver watch to set on the table. The sunlight adorned it, creating small gleams on the indentions and patterns. All his bonds, memories, and bloodshed to get him as far as he was were all poured into its design, showing he was an official dog of the military. It had become the symbolic image of his life, but also the anchor of guilt in the many wars he had to take lives in. He tampered the chain, the faint scent of iron penetrating his senses.
That smell…its almost like…
“On one condition you say?”
“I’ll obey all your orders, sir. But as long as I serve here I’d like to receive all information on the Philosophers Stone. And whenever I finish all my other duties, you have to permit me to search it.”
“People will question your motives. You realize what will happen if the state learns about your human transmutation. Al will be shipped off to some lab as a precious sample.”
“…”
“Well, I can keep that in my back pocket to make sure you behave…” A faint smile crept across his face, ebbed away from the images of pain and rejections his simulation had caused. It had frightened him, a great amount, but somewhere in his mentality, the thought of Ed’s warm body pressed against his riddled him with pleasure. His quaint breaths, the cold metal rubbing against his skin, the scent of oil and flesh flowing around him, the taste of his body fluids, all seemed like a cruel temptation of something he could never have. In his recollections, where he and Edward were the only two people in the world, it filled him with delight and horror. And yet deep down, it was all Roy ached for, the ecstasy of becoming one with him, to be at his side forever, and that very fact was what disgusted him the most.
“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”
His daydream crashed down, bright amber eyes ridden with anger and sadness burning into his head. He knew it wasn’t fair, she was stern but kind, beautiful, always there for him, and here he was lusting after some child by some unforgiving force he wasn’t even aware of. Being an escapist wasn’t his nature, but all he wanted to do was lose himself in his fantasies. He didn’t want to see his own guilt and shame staring back at him anymore.
“I…ha, sorry. Tell him I’ll call him back and we’ll take it from there.” His words were groggy, showing how fatigued Roy really was behind his façade of confidence. “Besides, he has all the capability in the world to do it himself.” His subordinate sighed, cupping the phone to her ear in embarrassment.
“I’m sorry; we’ll have to call you back later.”
“This isn’t an invitation to a slumber party, 1st Lieutenant! This is an important event!”
“My apologies, sir…”
She placed the phone on the receiver, turning to her superior with a disappointed gleam her eye. It wasn’t Eds fault, she knew it was, but it didn’t change the fact of how angry she was towards him. Following Roy gave her an identity, a purpose, and it frightened her to realize how it was slipping away by some pedophiliac tendencies. It had been this way ever since the murder of Maes Hughes. They had fallen out of love for each other, and what used to be wholesome conversations had turned into awkward and bitter silence. She stepped forward, giving the knob a good clutch before throwing the door open. Roy lifted his brow, tiny stings of guilt hitting beneath his chest.
“Something wrong Lieutenant?”
“…It seems like, Edwards becoming a bigger and bigger problem for you…”
“What?”
“You can’t keep depending on him for sanity and well-being! He’s not your lover and he never will be!”
Roy lowered his brow, leaning against the fabric of the chair. He sighed, giving a stern glance at the back of the blondes head.
“I know that already…but… Ed is—“
She slammed the door, dashing through the hallway until her tears put her to a stop. Her fists were clenched, sickened by the desire of wrapping her hands around the boys throat and ending her competition forever. Her own mind shocked her, irritated by the many complexities Roy and Ed had pushed on her. She had never wished death on anyone, let alone killing them herself just because of some jealousy she had towards another. It all seemed stupid to her, but her emotions were telling her it was completely logical. She leaned against the hall, vision hazed by the combination of stress and anxiety.
Soon you’ll lose your identity, as I have. Soon you’ll lose Edward and your self worth…
__________________________________________________ ___________
Roy sat in his chair quietly, moving his pen back and forth on his documents to create the illusion of hard work. Visions of liquid amber filled his mind; the thoughts of him calling his name and beautiful smile making his lower abdomen pulsate.
“I’m sorry Riza…there’s just…nothing between us anymore…”
__________________________________________________ ___________

The alchemist makes detestable actions in the time of despair, and regarding the feelings of others is sometimes undoable. Even when taking advantage of one’s innocence.
Stage 2: THANATOS—Borderline Case—

Sekuhara Onna <3 Yaoi Freak   Posts: 373 Points: 20.170 Nickname: Hiromi: Edo-hentai-BAKA Status: hey bby 89 Location: Central City Bishes >:U Join Date: Aug 2009 Currently Reading: Fujoshi Rumi, FMA, Naruto, etc. Currently Watching: FMA 2, Naruto 2 Mood:         View Cards View Gallery