Akatsuki Rules

[Alpha]

1. Do not ask the Leader what is underneath his mysterious black cloud of mystery.
2. Do not steal his TempurPedic Mattress®
3. You shall not ask Sasori if he “wants to be a real boy”.
4. Or try to make him lie to see if his nose grows.
5. Calling Yume a “vege-head” is not funny.
6. You shall not try to stop Sukkiri from talking to inanimate objects.
7. Doing so will result in certain and sudden death.
8. Do not ask Deidara if he went to the “Trannies, Grannies, and Superheroes” party.
9. Cheating in strip poker to see if Deidara is a woman should not be tolerated,
10. But it is, so keep it discreet.
11. We are not a gang of pimps.
12. And Yume and Sukkiri are neither our hoes nor our bitches.
13. Yume should not be woken up before 9 o’clock. Doing so will result in loss of limb(s). The only exception to this rule is Itachi.
14. Do not say “hella good” or “my bad”.
15. You are not a gangster.
16. Or a “Straight up G”.
17. The other members shall not be referred to as your “dawgs”, “homies”, “blood brothers/sisters”, and/or “pack mules”.
18. Use your own toothbrush. If Zetsu eats it, buy a new one. Please.
19. Do not call Kakuzu “old man” or “grandpa”.
20. Or the “hundred-year-old virgin”, for that matter.
21. Itachi doesn’t like mascara comments.
22. Just as Deidara doesn’t like eyeliner comments.
23. So don’t sing anything along the lines of “Maybe she’s born with it…maybe it’s Maybelline!”
24. The words ‘Deidara’ and ‘PMSing’ do not belong in the same sentence.
25. On that subject, whenever Yume or Sukkiri gets excessively mad, please refrain from saying, “Must be PMS.”
26. Do not make Tobi believe that: he is smart, he is a sexpot, women want “his goods”, or that he is “Tobilicious”.
27. Don’t ask Zetsu if he is a heterotroph or an autotroph.
28. Or grow drugs on his head.
29. “Free-for-alls” are strictly prohibited. You know what we mean.
30. Yes, Tobi is an open target.
31. Do not call the mouths on Deidara’s hands “sexual fetishes”.
32. To all Akatsuki hopefuls: The sob story of your past is most likely only cared about by you.
33. You are at no time allowed to “ghost-ride the Whip”.
34. Don’t call Itachi a “prettyboy”.
35. Or call Deidara a “*****”, “pansy”, or “fresh springtime flower.”
36. Avoid letting Hidan talk about Jashin.
37. Teen pop idols with boyfriend problems are no friends of ours.
38. You shall not “relive the 80s”.
39. Underage drinking rules do not apply.
40. You shall not “ride ‘em, cowboy!”
41. No calling Kakuzu a Muslim.
42. You are not allowed to say the Uchihas “hit puberty early”.
43. No matter how perfect your nails are, how flawless your skin is, or how shiny your hair is, you are in no way “delicious”.
44. Nor do you belong on the cover of Teen People.
45. Under no circumstances are you “cooler than a frozen sun” or “hot like a burning flame”.
46. Do not make pottery out of Deidara’s clay.
47. When playing Texas Holdem’, cowboys hats are not permitted.
48. The Samehada shaves flesh, not facial hair.
49. Don’t call Sasori’s puppets “Barbie dolls”.
50. When in doubt, blame Orochimaru, no matter how far away from the Akatsuki he actually is.

[aeolus]

#51 :dont buy candles for madaras birthday cake. doing so will result in an instant failure.

[Alpha]

lolololol........................

[Igirisu-san]

Are we supposed to continue the Rules or something??

[Alpha]

yes yes u are.

[aeolus]

dont tell kisame you have pictures of his fish stick
hehe y'know what i mean...-

[Alpha]

If you see madara, place a warning sign over his head, PLEASE DO NOT LOOK INTO MY EYES.

[aeolus]

" dont ever accept a staring contest from an uchiha. you will fail EVERY SINGLE TIME.

[Igirisu-san]

NEVER ask Hidan to try to act nice because:

ONE DAY...
As Deidara was entertaining everyone with his explosives… Hidan was too busy talking to a little black fly…

“Do you know that God loves you, little fly?” he started,
Everyone was deeply touched by this…
“And do you love God, little fly?”
Deidara formed tears inside his eyes…
“Would you like to go to God, little fly?”
Everyone looked at him in admiration…
“THEN GO TO GOD, LITTLE FLY!”
He yelled and squished it; everyone in that room was in deep, doomed terror…

Yea it's a bit lame I can't think of anything else...

[Alpha]

You shall not ask sasori if he can or cant have sex.