The Breakup

[Omi]

To give you some idea of where we are would be.. complicated. This story is not a love game. But rather than start at the beginning, we start at the end. Or, at least what we think is the end. It was a Sunday, like any other. Summer had already started to lose it's grasp over the desert valley, but fall had yet to set in. Jeremy was at home, like he usually is. At this particular moment, he was sitting up in his bed, back against the wall. Strands of soft blonde bangs teased at the boy's hazel eyes while Jeremy focused intensely on the PSP in his hands. Curled up around his toes was the black comforter Joe had bought him.

At the same time, Joe was sitting on an Airplane. The man was on his way to the desert to see the boy, for what could possibly be the last time. They were a more than apart in just distance from one another, but also in age. Joe was a good 7 years older than the fresh out of high school boy. As Joe sat on the plane a lot ran through his mind. He had some time though still. He had made this trip many times before to see Jeremy, though now seemed clearly different.

By all standards, Joe and Jeremy were nothing more than friends. Yet, under the surface this couldn't have been further from the truth. Joe had always made it clear what his feelings were, that he was in love with Jeremy. Because of that, he often showered the boy with kindness. Often times, Jeremy didn't know how to reciprocate that kindness. How could he? After all, the blonde had spent his whole life being deprived of things like affection and kindness. As beautiful as he was, Jeremy was actually someone that was as fragile as glass. That, in and of itself, is very possibly the reason Joe and Jeremy were only friends.

Joe had always wanted to be more, and to be Jeremy's boyfriend, but the blonde would make that impossible. As Joe sat in First Class, drinking some tea, he laid his head back against the headrest and vividly recalled the time Jeremy had referred to their relationship as an aquintanship. A pained look shot across the man's brow at the thought. He always had tried to balance delicately between being a close friend and being more, but he had finally reached a breaking point.

The vibrating hum of his phone snapped Jeremy's attention away from his game. He sat the device down to reach over and see he had a new text message from a boy he had met a week earlier. "Hi!" The blonde smiled at the sight and quickly typed back "Hi. So, is that all you can say to someone you asked out last night?" The blonde was teasing the boy on the other end. After all, they had just started dating the night before, and the excitement of something new was everything to him right now.

As Jeremy chatted away by phone text, Joe's flight had finally arrived. The man glanced down at his phone and turned it on somewhat hoping there would be a text from Jeremy waiting for him, but he knew probably not considering the fight they had the night prior. The blank screen had nothing surprising to offer the man. He sighed softly and gathered his luggage to head to the rental car dealership.

As far as Jeremy knew, Joe was still at home, but that wasn't really his concern right now. Unconsciously, however, while he was talking to his new boyfriend the blonde accidently dropped his phone, and when he went to pick it up his eyes glanced across a Totoro keychain the man had given the boy, even though he hadn't wanted it. Still upset from their argument, the boy scoffed at the sudden thought of Joe and went back to his texting conversation.

Actually, neither Joe nor Jeremy were where they were supposed to have been this Sunday. Nor, was Jeremy originally to have spent the night before with his now new boyfriend. Originally, Joe and Jeremy had planned to go away together for the weekend. This is what had caused their argument. One month prior, Joe had offered to take Jeremy on a trip to visit the boy's best friend, Sarah, out of town. Joe had figured it would be a good chance to get to know someone important to the boy he loved. Though, the only thing that really mattered to him is that it was a chance to spend more time with Jeremy.

During their planning for the trip, a clever idea struck Joe. The man always noticed how Jeremy would try his best to keep the man from spending too much money on him. Often times when eating out together the boy would ask the man if they could split a meal. Joe decided he would take the trip as an opportunity to introduce the boy to the man's family before continuing on to Sarah's house. Joe claimed it would save money if they spent one night at his home before continuing their trip. Of course, Jeremy agreed, but the boy began to become suspicious that Joe was wanting to back out of the trip for money reasons.

A week later, Joe called Sarah. He had intended to ask her if she would be available to pick Jeremy and himself up at the airport for their visit. It didn't quite go that way though. Sarah took the opportunity to tell Joe explicitly that she didn't like him. In shock, the man told her never mind, he would find another way to get to her place, such as renting a car. After the encounter, Joe was caught in a dilemma. He had said he would take Jeremy to visit her, but now the man wanted nothing to do with that girl. In frustration, Joe told Jeremy that when they go to visit Sarah, he would drop Jeremy off at her house and then go do something else for the day. But, after hearing of the event from Sarah, now Jeremy was convinced that the man was purposely dropping hints at not wanting to go because of money reasons. So, Jeremy did what he thought was the right thing and told Joe they didn't have to go visit Sarah, they could do something else that weekend together.

Joe wanted to jump on the offer right away. The only thing the man wanted was to spend time with Jeremy, and now he could use his earlier excuse of saving money to spend the whole weekend with Jeremy at the man's home, and not have to see Sarah at all.

Of course... Sarah, was less than pleased. Feeling backed into a corner, Jeremy told Joe the man shouldn't have offered to take him to visit Sarah if money was an issue and that it would be better if he just stayed home for the weekend instead. Joe was disheartened but wasn't going to force Jeremy to go anywhere he didn't want to.

It was, convenient that right when Jeremy was under all this pressure, he met someone new.

Joe sat down in his rent car and gripped both hands on the steering wheel while still parked. As he laid his head down forward against it, he could no longer hold back the tears building in his eyes. His mind raced back to days earlier when the younger boy had practically flaunted that he had already made other plans for the weekend, which were obviously to spend with a new boy, and how the boy even so casually managed to say I love you to Joe at the same time as though it were meaningless, and just something you say to a friend.

The man managed to compose himself, and pulled the car out of park. He thought of how the last time he had visited Jeremy and had a rent car, it was the boy pulling out of park as the man helped teach the blonde how to drive.

The phone stopped vibrating with new messages prompting Jeremy to stand up for a moment to stretch. Even though he was still angry at Joe, he couldn't help but to think back to their conversation the night before when Joe found out about his now new boyfriend. "So, you have a new boyfriend? Thanks for letting me know." Joe had to hear it first from someone else. Jeremy had replied angrily "God damn, stop acting like you're my number one. This is the same shit you did with my last boyfriend." Anger only begets anger. "You're right," said Joe "my fault for expecting you to have SOME consideration for my feelings and at least tell me you're not interested in me but that you are interested in someone else." Jeremy wasn't capable of fighting back though, all he could do was shut down "And this is why I didn't want to get into this. Sarah was probably right."

While driving towards Jeremy's house, the conversation from last night flashed through Joe's mind again. "You always shut down. You refuse to fight me or give me any clue on how you feel towards me. I can take a lot, but I can't take a total disregard for my feelings like you show." Joe was deeply hurt. He felt like Jeremy was punishing him for their argument over the trip, and whatever Sarah had said to the boy. He felt that if things had just gone how they were supposed to this other boy would still just be some other boy and nothing more.

Despite all the hurt feelings between them, Joe and Jeremy had been amazing friends. No, they had been more than that. Even if Jeremy refused to use the word, they had been closer than any boyfriend Jeremy had prior. They smiled together. They laughed together. They went on adventures together like amusement parks, and science fairs. They cuddled together at movies. They had even shared beds together, and felt the warmth of each other's lips.

There were so many times that Jeremy had tested Joe, and the man kept his mouth shut. Even though all the man wanted to do was grab the boy into his arms and whisper in a tender voice "You belong to me". But Joe was scared of pushing the boy away and always refrained.

As Joe pulled into the driveway and got out of the car, he gathered his resolve and walked up to the door. Inside, Jeremy had not expected anyone to visit today and jumped sheepishly at the sound of the knock. Distracted by the sound of dogs barking, Jeremy didn’t check the peephole like he customarily would and instead opened the door right away. Before he could gasp in surprise and react, Joe had taken the boy's wrist and pulled the younger boy out of the house. Jeremy protested and tried to pull away but the older male had much more strength. He fought hard as the man pulled him into his arms until finally giving up and going limp. Deep down hues of golden brown so dark they almost look black pierced into soft hazel orbs. "We're going to lunch. I'm not taking no for an answer." the blonde diverted his eyes and reluctantly agreed.

The car drive to the restaurant was devoid of words. Appropriately, the song on the radio seemed to agree.

"We're driving slow through the snow on 5th Avenue
And right now radio's all that we can hear
Now we ain't talked since we left, it's so overdue
It's cold outside but between us it's worse in here"

It wasn't long before the car pulled into park in front of an Ihop. One they had been to together many times before.

As they sat down the younger male fidgeted uncomfortably, and the waitress went to get them some water and Pepsi. Finally the man began to speak.

"When I first saw you, it was in a video. I was dazzled. Before I even knew you or anything about you, you dazzled me. You're creative, you're fun. You're excitable and playful. You have adorable fits of spazzing randomness. You were amazing, and it captivated me. All I could think was wow.. I want to meet this person. I would love to get to know this person and see what they are like. And then, when we finally met, when we finally spoke, my heart---leaped. And the more I got to know you, the more you let me in, the more I was dazzled by you. By the endurance you'd had, by the spirit you'd held onto despite your difficult life. I fell in love with you, faster than you were ready for. I probably scared you, more than once. But I knew, and that's all that mattered to me. But it was hard for me too. A lot of the time.. most of the time I never knew where I stood with you. I told myself that maybe you didn't even know either. You were young and inexperienced with such strong emotions I was giving you." Joe paused, glancing down before looking back up to the boy he called kitten's eyes.

"But I know you felt something too Kiki. Don't pretend that you're so unaffected that you can just call some other boy you just met your boyfriend when you never even called me that without feeling something." The man starts playing with his hands a bit nervously as he continues "My feelings for you are not some fling. I am not here to play games. If you dance with some other boy or cuddle with another person it's not something to me that makes me jealous. It hurts me. What I feel for you is genuine. My emotions are genuine. You told me one time that you were scared, and when I asked you of what you said rejection." The man reaches over to take the boy's hand, but Jeremy tries to pull his hand away. "I will never reject you. Even if the rest of the world someday does, I will always accept you for you. I wish you would accept me too."

End for now. I can't imagine how Jeremy would respond yet.

[Omi]

The boy sits there motionless while Joe speaks. Soft Hazel hues stay fixated on a spoon reesting against the table. Even though he listens to the words, his mind is elsewhere recalling fragments of a dream.

A younger Jeremy is playing by himself in an empty room. Building blocks of legos surround the toddler in various shapes and colors. Carefully he stacks them one by one, creating a rectangular wall around himself. Once he stacks the last one, the boy crawls to the center of his fortress and curls up to sit. "No one will bother me now. I can be alone in my solitary fortress." The boy softly rests his face against his knees as he whispers sadly to himself "This is all I know how to do." An image flashes through the boy's head of the first time they met. "I'm Joe." says the image in his mind. The boy curls up tighter and burries his face in his knees as he starts to tear up and cries to himself "I'm Jeremy".

"I know." A voice outside his wall of legos speaks. The boy's tear stained face starts to lift up as he sees Joe standing there. The older boy smiles "Rawr~". The sudden noise causes the blonde to fearfully crawl backwards a bit as he looks up at the other. The dark haired boy smiles again "Can I come over there?" The younger boy shakes his head frantically and protests "N..N..No! You can't pass the wall! This is my solitary fortress." The dark haired boy gives a confused look "Huh?" as he steps over the legos. The blonde's eyes go wide "This..can't be..This is bad. How did you get in so easily?" *He looks down "No one was supposed to be able to get in." The other boy blinks a bit confused as he looks around at the lego wall. "A wall?" The younger boy nods "It's all I know how to do. I can be at ease inside my solitary fortress.. but if you're in here.. there's no meaning to it." Suddenly, the dark haired boy begins to kick the wall down, causing the legos to fall over and apart. "You can tear down this wall easily." One by one he kicks down the wall until the last part of the legos fall. The blonde's eyes go wide again "S...Stop it! You can't do that!" The dark haired boy turns and smiles once it's done. "There. It's gone." Tears start streaming down the young Jeremy's face as he starts to sob uncontrollably. "Why?? I didn't ask you to do that! Why???" Joe starts to walk towards the blonde, and Jeremy puts his hands up in protest "No, don't come near me!" The older boy keeps approaching until finally in front of the blonde, and embraces him "It's all right." Jeremy goes limp and stops crying as Joe speaks "It's not that you want to be alone or can't love someone else. It's that no one stayed with you and showed you how." The limp boy starts to whisper "It's ok.. I had already given up anyway. I'm not needed.. I already decided it earlier." The dark haired boy pulls away slightly to look into those hazel orbs with golden brown. "Baka. I won't let you push me away."

Jeremy snaps back from his dazed state and looks up at Joe across the table from him. He takes a breath and then stands up, thrusting his hands down against the table to turn and leave the restraunt. Joe quickly stands up, throwing some money down for the drinks and follows after the boy outside. The blonde turns to face him. "Stop. You... you're just making things worse." The man halts his steps. Jeremy clamps his fists together tightly as he starts to breath faster, trying to gather the courage to say what he wants. "You are my friend.. but, I just don't know how to deal with this. I don't think you should come back here for awhile."

Joe stands there, unmoving for a moment. After what seems to be a pause that lasts forever, he speaks. "Even though, you've never said it outright, I know you love me Jeremy." The man closes his eyes. "I've felt it when we've shared movies together. I've felt it when we embrace after waking up from having fallen asleep next to each other. I've felt it when we say goodnight after talking all night on the phone. But you've never said it to me directly. I'm your dear friend, and I will never abandon you. but, there are real consequences to the things you do. I can't accept you dating someone else. Not this time. My whole being rejects it. So, I will stay away. I have to stay away. It's not fair for me to feel this strongly about you when you hide behind maybe's and keep your eyes on everyone but me. You never say things like call me sexy or hot or even good looking. You'll hold my hand, but you won't seek it out. That's why I know that I have to let go. I can't spend forever waiting for you to see me they way I see you. I'll always be your dear friend. I hope that, because you love me, you won't want to see me suffer like this, and you'll be patient with our time apart. Just please don't forget me in that time. I don't think I can even imagine a life that doesn't include you as a part of it.

[Omi]

Those were the last words Joe said as he turned to leave his dear friend one last time to get on that jet plane going home. He believed in those words too. How could he imagine a life without his best friend? But time has a funny way of treating perspective. Back home again, the man dropped his keys off on his table and crawled into his bed curling up with the body pillow under the covers. It was then that his eyes caught it, the shirt of his that Jeremy had worn the last time he stayed over. It still smelled like him, and it was comforting. The days that followed were some of the hardest the man had lived. He often found himself pacing around out of the sheer boredom of not having his best friend to talk to. But life goes on, and the man had to go through the motions. Going to work, coming home. At first it seemed like time would drag on only to torment him. But, he wasn't as alone as he thought. He still had everyone else that mattered to him.

One day Joe woke up, as if from a dream, and when he thought of the boy it wasn't the heart broken endless in between anymore that he felt, but a fond memory of someone that had lit up his soul for the time that they had shared. The man smiled and placed the shirt in the wash.

[LadyAoi]

Awww..that was nice and sad...but i liked the story..is this the end?