Happy valentine's day

**Cheshire** · 11-01-2009 08:31 AM

Well. I don't know if I could call this a Junjou Romantica fanfic since I'm using my own characters, but I believe the story is familiar to it. So I'm not even sure if I should have placed this in the fanfic category... But it was the best place I could find.

I also want you to be kind when criticising it since english is my second language... But feel free to correct my grammar and spelling anyway if you want to. XD Also, because this is the very first post I'm doing here. It's scay, probably since I'm usually sort of anti-social... And, if I get a good response, I will try to finish it.

"Happy valentines day" my ass.
It's just a way to make lonely people feel sad. Not that Luke felt that way or anything, that would be very strange concidering that his personality didn't leave any space for sentimental feelings such as love or jealousy. It's just that he knew that some peole drenched themselves in despair and agony when this day were coming. Especially his brother, this year he locked himself up in his room listening to heavy metal, not answering anyone who tried to make contact. Maybe it was a mean reaction to laugh, but that was just what he did. Even though he felt sorry for him.
This was pretty much what went through his head on his way to the flowerstore; you could probably call it spacing out since he didn't even notice the car who allmost ran over him when crossing the street. But when he smelled the sweet scent of roses in the air he woke up from his own world, realizing that he just passed by the store in wich he would find what he was looking for. He went back a few steps and glared through the glassdoor for a few seconds before he pushed it open with his foot. The cheerful doorbell made him smile for a second before he noticed this sweet, strong smell again wich had been verry weak outside. The air was very damp as well, giving an allmost exotic atmosphere together with all the plants.
"Good morning, can I help you?"
A cheerful voice broke the sound of the murmur from the crowd outside, after wich his golden eyes behind the glasses spotted a girl in a green apron showing up from the back door. No, a boy, if you take a closer look. A very girlish one. He was carrying a bunch of yellow roses, wich soon was placed in a bucket with water on the floor. He followed his movements with a thoughful look before he realised what he was doing, then turned away just to pretend to admire the big lillys on the bench.
"Uhm, yeah. I was thinking about roses. Big, beautiful, expensive. Something extraordinary."
"Oh, this girl must be lucky." he said with a smile behind his black fringe before turning around to fetch a scissor from the bench.
"Girls aren't worth spending money on" he said with an insouciant face, after wich he noticed his surprised expression.
"Don't misunderstand that. I just ment that they are selfish, evil creatures with enormous egos and annoying personalities. I'm here to fix my brothers relationship with one of those monsters."
A big grin appeared on his face, as if he was trying to stop himself from laughing. Luke looked slightly surprised, he didn't expect that reaction after giving an explanation why he were buying roses.
"And what about guys then?"
He still looked like he would laugh when he gave a sign to follow him, showing him the roses he had asked for.
"Selfish, evil creatures with strange humour. Why are you laughing?"
"Your description on women. Sounds more like you are mor into-"
"But I'm not. Why do you care?"
"Dunno. Just need a subject to talk about."
He gave Luke a strange look before opening the show-case where he kept the roses. Fifteen, twenty different kinds in all shades of red, sizes and lengths.

**kawaiimuffin** · 11-01-2009 05:31 PM

i like it!!(:
spelling&&grammar is a little off but nothing to freak about~
would love a continuation~♥

**Cheshire** · 11-01-2009 10:24 PM

Whiee :3 thx. I'll try to give you one, then.

**happymanman** · 11-01-2009 11:21 PM

It is definetly vary good for a ruff draft.
not sure about this part though:
"Selfish, evil creatures with strange humour. Why are you laughing?"(sounds like he's humoring him)
"Your description on women. Sounds more like you are mor into-" (sounds to me like you're more into-)
"But I'm not. Why do you care?" (sounds too defensive to have came from the same person)
Just put something like "Don't get the wrong idea, besides why do you care?"
Just stuff that I sugest, hope it helps.
This part's a little strange too:
He still looked like he would laugh when he gave a sign to follow him, showing him the roses he had asked for.
Hope I don't come across as mean.

**Cheshire** · 11-02-2009 02:55 AM

No, I need it since my english isn't too good. xD

**animefan1** · 11-02-2009 03:16 AM

I think it sounded really good. There were a few grammar errors here and there, but nothing that can not be fixed with a word document spelling and grammar checker. I would like to read another part if and when you complete it.

**Innocent** · 11-02-2009 04:02 AM

Levi, the story is good! Though only because i beta so often I have to at least point out the last part of the story! I'm sorry!! but at the end, you use he to refer to the shopkeeper/helper and he to refer to when Luke is speaking also. It can get confusing to the reader. So use terms like Luke, the shop keeper, the boy, etc so you're not always using he/his/him in a situation where there are two males. Because like I said it can and probably will get confusing. There! I'm done with the damn urge... well not really but it got some of it out ^^ again sorry. Its just that gnawing urge from editing stories so often.

It really is a good story, I'm really looking forward to reading more levi. So please hurry and update soon as you can! please!